So I stopped and thought; "I wonder why that is?"
After careful deliberation, a block quote came to mind,
"...Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
For an unknown amount of years, I felt as if I needed to shrink myself to make others feel comfortable. Change the way I spoke, held my tongue if my ideas were confrontational to others, walk ever so lightly as to not cause attention, tread lightly... seriously. I was constantly tip-toeing around to feel accepted. These qualities weren't natural. They weren't glorious. They weren't ANYTHING to call home about. They made me feel small. And by feeling small, I felt weak. I neglected my true being like a puppy. You guys ever seen a neglected puppy? Well, if not, lemme tell you... A neglected puppy isn't like the other puppies that gets excited when it sees people. A neglected pup is always on the defense for himself. He is distrustful of everyone, even those that are trying to hard to build the puppy back up to his normal state. The pup has lost faith. You come too close to that pup and he'll attack. And that's exactly who I was. I was so mean and nasty, you didn't WANT to get close to me. I'd snap your head off in 5 seconds flat and I was proud of it. I mean, really proud. There was NO one who could make me feel weak, bc in my head, with my twisted way of thinking, I had power... There was NO one could make me feel small in order to help them feel big... There was NO one who talked to me. It was a lonely time in my life and I sat and wondered where everything went awry. I thought back for YEARS and wondered where the spunky, feisty, sassy, but bubbly, outgoing and sweet girl I was before was hiding. I searched high and low for someone to help me bring her back to life. Make HER the girl you automatically thought of when you heard my name, this maleficent girl. (if you've seen the movie, you get it. If not lemme briefly explain; she was AWESOME, wondrous, SPLENDID. Something terrible happened and she faded to black. She was EVIL, man... That's all, I don't wanna spoil it lol) I went through tragedy after tragedy before I finally gave up on looking for someone who would nurse me back to health, at least an earthly someone. I turned to God, the most high that I had known all my life. I prayed for healing. I prayed for strength. I prayed for grace and I prayed for mercy. I prayed for peace. I prayed for joy. Lemme, rephrase that. I STILL pray for healing. I pray for strength. I pray for grace and I pray for mercy. And each and everyday, you better bet your bottom dollar that I'm STILL praying for peace. I pray for joy. And slowly, but surely I began to feel a change. I felt the chains of oppression slowly rising from my heart. God's peace is amazing yall. I started being open. I started being posititve and thinking on the bright side. I started talking to complete strangers. I let my joy shine. I let my little light beam clean across the country. true, I still have my moments, where I feel myself trying to revert to that small, weak girl, but I IMMEDIATELY as Jesus to remove the feelings of oppression and you better believe I get it together.
My light shining bright for the world to see, me being comfortable with being me. Being respectful to you and still honoring what's in my heart? That's why that is. With God removing my fear of being inadequate, I'm easier to mesh with. I'm easy to feel comfortable around. There isn't a feeling of judgement. There aren't any feelings of pressure to be ANYONE else than who you were born to be. My liberation, liberates others. I don't make you feel any type of way, except joyful. I unconsciously, give you joy. And when you have joy, isn't easier to talk to a complete stranger about your life goals? When you have joy, isn't simple to just act exactly how you'd act if you were all alone, even though you're around someone else?
I've always heard you catch more flies with honey, than with vinegar. And not to call anyone a fly, but positivity breeds positivity. Me, little ole me, I have the power to inspire the masses to let their light shine. If I spread it to you, will you do me a favor? Spread it to someone else. The world so desperately needs it :)
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