New things on the horizon

Soooooo. I want long hair again. I haven't had any since 2008. My scissor addiction is gonna have to take a backseat. Follow my journey to long healthy hair! 😬

Also. I don't have children, but boy do I love this little man!!  

Your personality, in everything you do, makes me love... everything about you.

Your smile, your style, so fly. I can't deny. I got a crush on you. And that's true indeed.

If I could write a letter about how Kyrie Andrew Irving's presence alone makes me smile... Though he's a 22 year old baby, he just seems so grounded. SO down to earth. So amazing. I just want to know him. I want to be able to call someone as genuine seeming as him my friend. 

It's more than a normal school girl crush, but not in a psycho fangirl obsession kind of way. This sounds crazy, granted I have NO IDEA what he does in his day to day life because I'm convinced he has a publicist that handles all of his social media, but I think we're soul mates. Destined to meet and bond immediately.

And who doesn't love a southern girl? He just appears to be such a great guy, beyond his talent (and we ALLLLLL know how nice he is with the rock). 

I know this is random and completely unrelated to all blogging events, but I just had to let it be known. Documented until the end of time. I think Kyrie Irving is the greatest andd truly special.

Be careful of what you wish for... you just might get it.

Let me just say, while I might have been knocked down, I am DEFINITELY not out.

I feel so 'independent' idk if that's the right word... maybe rejuvenated. Rejuvenated sounds better.

When you know better, you do better. And time is SO precious and valuable and not to be wasted on anyone that isn't truly deserving, you know?

Within two months, I lost my grandfather and a first cousin, so I know FIRSTHAND how valuable time is and honestly that's the most expensive thing you could ever offer to anyone. Today, I'm taking a stand and keeping it from those that are undeserving.

Starting with you. You were cold, controlling , selfish and very self-centered. You couldn't even muster up the respect to formally ask me out.. Mind you this is after a "break" that was longer than the actual relationship. Now you come waltzing in thinking "You can't do better than me" well guess what? I'm doing better. Been doing better, actually. And none of your sick, twisted mind games will EVER have any effect on me like they did before. Remember when I said "I have two levels, nonchalant and absolute obsession?" Welcome to nonchalant. Enjoy your stay, you asked to be here. Now, keep your cold and calculated comments to yourself. We have no time for those shenanigans over here.

Dreamlover come rescue me... Take me up, take me down, take me any way you want to baby NOW.

Who wants that perfect love story anyway?


uhhhh MEEEEE!


Listen, I don't know ANYONE who isn't down for being swept of their feet. Man or woman.

Guys, it's really simple. I like the smallest of things. My favorite candy bar when you see me. A single rose from even the gas station on any random day. If we have a date set and you show up with some small token of appreciation for my time, I'm eternally thinking highly of you bc that's never been done before around these parts. I don't believe in these text messages being an acceptable form of communication, but a text here and there to let me know you're thinking of me or even you want me to have a great day goes a LONG way over here. Recently, someone took a couple of hours out of their sleeping time to listen to me. I was so grateful I was prepared to cook dinner (kind of a biggie to me but I was THAT appreciative).


We need to SHOW our appreciation to one another. and I'm NOT talking sexually -__- everything is overly sexualized in this generation. That's half the reason there are SO many single parent households and teen parents. Girls out here showing their peach to every guy they meet. And its NOT just the girls (notice) its some of the women too! We gotta take our bodies back yall. They are NOT a bargaining tool for attention.

DangeRUSS is back.

Easy like Sunday morning.

Yall. If you find yourself mad and the person you're upset with doesn't seem to care, more than likely, you're mad at nothing or that person really doesn't care about you. The answer to both scenarios is to simply move on. Don't waste moments of your life being mad about something that doesn't matter nor should you spend moments of your life on people who don't care about you.

 Life is truly too short.

Be easy *T.I. voice*

I talk like this cause I can back it up.

you know... 2014 is proving to be a strengthening year for me. I lost a baby... cousin. he was STILL a baby, doesn't matter if I didn't give birth to him. He is TRULY missed. Every single day. And I didn't even kick it with him every single day. I made it out of a controlling relationship. (GLORY!) My granddad's cancer is still aggressive as ever. Andddd ABC Family stopped running Twisted, but Switched At Birth AND Pretty Little Liars are STILL going strong =/ But it's NOT ALL BAD, I conquered my fear of water yall! I was lost at sea for 7 WHOLE days, not really lost, but I was on a cruise and I had NO CONTACT with anyone back at home. I was dying a slow death yall. lol BUT I maddddeeee it! Andddd I received confirmation of my gift, I also was granted a job in my field TWO months after graduating!!!!! Most recently, I've started teaching 4th grade math... *crickets* I'm the girl who REFUSES to do simple math in my head, JUST BC I NEVER have to take a math class again... now I'm teaching GCF, LCM, Fractions, percents and all that other junk! And as of today? I applied to graduate school.

I guess, this is my dissertation, homie this $%# is basic, welcome to graduation... good morning.

I graduated from undergrad December 13, 2013 (THANK YOU JESUS!!!!) and I always knew I'd attend graduate school, I just didn't know when. I'm an avid procrastinator and I'm really unmotivated to take the Graduate Record Examination, most affectionately called the GRE. Well, exactly ONE month after I started the application.... I've finally submitted it.


Nowwwww, I have to take the GRE.

Ya girl will have a Master's in 2017! HEYYYYYYYYY!!!

Enlightening charmer, sent from where? A Casanova, lovely glare and I was chosen. I was there.

So recently I ran across this post on IG (follow meeeee) and it got my gears a turning. It's so easy to talk a good game, but how well can you back it up? 

I'm always weary and skeptical of charmers. A man who seems to have it all together, talks as if his intentions are pure, a smile that makes you melt, taps into your inner wishes and speaks as if he shares them and wants to make em come true? That's a man I want NO parts of. It sounds crazy, but hear me out. This man runs this game on EVERY woman. It probably gets him exactly where he wants to be, laid up next to a beautiful woman post coitus with another pretty notch in his belt. And where is the woman? Lost, dazed and confused. Wondering where she went wrong. He said everything she wanted to hear and she felt safe, comfortable even. 

The man for me is thoughtful and understanding in word AS WELL AS in deed. He acts upon romantic impulse in a nonverbal way. Sure, "hey beautiful queen, would you like to join me for an evening of unscathing mischief, childish shenanigans and a shower of compliments?" (heyyyy, let a girl dream okay? lol) sounds delightful. But how delighted are you when you realize, he never really had a plan? Just the words to get you to where he wants you? wrapped around his romantic sounding finger.

Now, once again, hear me out! Not all men who SOUND romantic are up to no good. I'm a skeptic, but I'm also a hopeless romantic *le sigh* I believe in EVERYONE until I notice a pattern or have a reason to believe I should keep my head on the swivel. I pray about everything and worry about nothing. Love life yall. Give love, receive love, be love <3

maintenant

I've always wanted to do one of these, but I was never tagged. #lonerlife BUTTT guess who is doing it now? OH YEAHHH!

♥ wearing: A REALLY cool lavender tshirt with Minnie Mouse on it and some black and red Nike shorts that do not match. AT ALL.. Don’t judge. This is a judge-free zone, y’all.
♥ listening: Candles in the Sun by Miguel.
♥ reading: GRE prep book. Yall, I'm just tryna live out my dreams.. Let me struggle to get there lol
♥ watching: White Collar.  Season 2; Episode 7. Happiness guys. HAPPINESS.
♥ doing: I'm calling clients and setting appointments! I just pray everyone keeps their appt this week. GRRRRR!!!
♥ loving: Young Apple! She's my cousin but she's literally the light of my post graduate life. I'd babysit her EVERYDAY if it weren't for these pesky jobs I have smh
♥ hating: The fact that I'm not on vacation and haven't been since the beginning of June. This girl LONGS to travel! First world probs, but whatevs!
♥ wishing: For a 22 hour week so I stay at full time status, surprisingly.
♥ wanting: This shirt, s'il vous plaît.

What about you, beautiful people?

Comfortable.

Recently, it has come to my attention that I have a habit of causing others to open up, whereas they're usually quiet and to be themselves, whereas they typically behave in a reserved manner.

So I stopped and thought; "I wonder why that is?"

After careful deliberation, a block quote came to mind,

"...Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

For an unknown amount of years, I felt as if I needed to shrink myself to make others feel comfortable. Change the way I spoke, held my tongue if my ideas were confrontational to others, walk ever so lightly as to not cause attention, tread lightly... seriously. I was constantly tip-toeing around to feel accepted. These qualities weren't natural. They weren't glorious. They weren't ANYTHING to call home about. They made me feel small. And by feeling small, I felt weak. I neglected my true being like a puppy. You guys ever seen a neglected puppy? Well, if not, lemme tell you... A neglected puppy isn't like the other puppies that gets excited when it sees people. A neglected pup is always on the defense for himself. He is distrustful of everyone, even those that are trying to hard to build the puppy back up to his normal state. The pup has lost faith. You come too close to that pup and he'll attack. And that's exactly who I was. I was so mean and nasty, you didn't WANT to get close to me. I'd snap your head off in 5 seconds flat and I was proud of it. I mean, really proud. There was NO one who could make me feel weak, bc in my head, with my twisted way of thinking, I had power... There was NO one could make me feel small in order to help them feel big... There was NO one who talked to me. It was a lonely time in my life and I sat and wondered where everything went awry. I thought back for YEARS and wondered where the spunky, feisty, sassy, but bubbly, outgoing and sweet girl I was before was hiding. I searched high and low for someone to help me bring her back to life. Make HER the girl you automatically thought of when you heard my name, this maleficent girl. (if you've seen the movie, you get it. If not lemme briefly explain; she was AWESOME, wondrous, SPLENDID. Something terrible happened and she faded to black. She was EVIL, man... That's all, I don't wanna spoil it lol) I went through tragedy after tragedy before I finally gave up on looking for someone who would nurse me back to health, at least an earthly someone. I turned to God, the most high that I had known all my life. I prayed for healing. I prayed for strength. I prayed for grace and I prayed for mercy. I prayed for peace. I prayed for joy. Lemme, rephrase that. I STILL pray for healing. I pray for strength. I pray for grace and I pray for mercy. And each and everyday, you better bet your bottom dollar that I'm STILL praying for peace. I pray for joy. And slowly, but surely I began to feel a change. I felt the chains of oppression slowly rising from my heart. God's peace is amazing yall. I started being open. I started being posititve and thinking on the bright side. I started talking to complete strangers. I let my joy shine. I let my little light beam clean across the country. true, I still have my moments, where I feel myself trying to revert to that small, weak girl, but I IMMEDIATELY as Jesus to remove the feelings of oppression and you better believe I get it together. 

My light shining bright for the world to see, me being comfortable with being me. Being respectful to you and still honoring what's in my heart? That's why that is. With God removing my fear of being inadequate, I'm easier to mesh with. I'm easy to feel comfortable around. There isn't a feeling of judgement. There aren't any feelings of pressure to be ANYONE else than who you were born to be. My liberation, liberates others. I don't make you feel any type of way, except joyful. I unconsciously, give you joy. And when you have joy, isn't easier to talk to a complete stranger about your life goals? When you have joy, isn't simple to just act exactly how you'd act if you were all alone, even though you're around someone else?

I've always heard you catch more flies with honey, than with vinegar. And not to call anyone a fly, but positivity breeds positivity. Me, little ole me, I have the power to inspire the masses to let their light shine. If I spread it to you, will you do me a favor? Spread it to someone else. The world so desperately needs it :)

After awhile, you just wanna be with the one that makes you laugh

Anyone believe in soulmates? 🙋 meeeee! Well, kinda. I believe there is one special someone for everyone. I believe we literally believe EVERYONE has the ability to be that someone until we really meet that someone and you realize why things were always slightly imperfect with everyone else. It's like you try and try and try then it just happens. Finally it works and it's natural. You didn't try at all, it's like magic. It's like living in the happiest place on earth and you just happen to be looking into the eyes of your soulmate. Then he professes his love for you, you squeal from excitement as he kneels and your sorority sisters are looking for airplane deals bc it's time to get the wheels turning and y'all are moving from a Pinterest board to reality. And you pinch yourself a couple of times a day while simultaneously thanking Jesus bc you know without him this glow you're illuminating, the smile you're infecting everyone with, the happiness you feel inside? Would be NOTHING without HIM. So yeah, I believe in soul mates. I believe in wild 'n reckless types of security found in love. I believe in something bigger than you and bigger than me. I believe in us. Him, me and Christ. 

So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young.

Kaadia's Bucket List:

1. Smooch my honey on the Brooklyn bridge.
2. Ziplining
3. Visit every state, just to say I did.
4. Attend a NBA game
5. Attend a NFL game
6. 
   

It has come to my attention that I need a hobby...

or moreso, it was told to me that I should probably find a hobby after being asked "what is it that you do if you aren't at work?" normally my reply would be shop, but I'm telling you, the paycheck in the human services field?? SO SHORT. I literally have enough to cover the two bills I have to pay and for gas to continue to get this small check. Not to mention, I have more clothes than I could probably ever wear. I mean, maybe not EVER; I'm sure if I started wearing everything I own I could easily finish the year without ANY repeats... (unless you're counting jeans bc honestly, I have one favorite pair and I have it in a light and dark wash and they go with EVERYTHING) I mean honestly, if I were to keep all the clothes I have right now, in 28 years, my 23 year old daughter would be in heaven. I digress. Given my current financial state, I need a hobby and it has to be cheap. SO! Here's documentation of me trying to figure it out lol

1. My best friend is like a super reader. I mean SUPER READER. At my undergrad graduation dinner, she had a novel and was just reading away like there wasn't a table full of people RIGHT there. She goes NOWHERE without a novel the size of an encyclopedia in her drawstring backpack. Dedication, man. And my pooh has this cool key ring with a library card on it, naturally, I was hating and decided "Hey! I want a cool library card key ring" so last Monday I ventured up to the central library (IN THE RAIN when I was getting a relaxer in MERE moments) and finally made a claim for my missing library card. I'm telling you, the last time I can vividly remember having my library card President Bush was still "ruler of the free world" (any gladiators out there? No? Okay.) I'm not at liberty to state whether it was his first or second term bc that would just be mortifying. lol SO reading. Yes. It is WORTH a valiant effort.
2. Vocabulary building. I don't know about you but an African American woman with an extensive vocabulary SCREAMS educated to me. I'd LOVE be considered educated before I even mention my accolades. And not even just in an elitist sense, just a deviation from the norm, you know, an anomaly :) [this is a clever ruse for GRE prep... I want to be in graduate school, but I do NOT want to take the GRE. Why isn't my transcript enough? All that hard work and it's not even enough for the next step... necessary, but not enough] 
3. I just happen to LOVE clothes. Dresses, shorts, skirts, blouses. I love putting them together and creating outfits. I love collecting them; making magic with prints and textures. I think I love clothes almost as much as I love children and the children aren't making me the type of money I need to collect clothes as much as I truly want to, sadly. lol I've had a fashion blog before but the attention span needed to run it was heartbreaking! And trying to finish with my first degree, it fell by the wayside. I think it's still up though, right here. I haven't posted in over 6 months, I could pick up where I left off over there. I mean, I have two jobs but I'm a woman. I was obviously born with at least 6 arms, it could be possible to take photos again. Especially since BOTH of my jobs only have one rule that I'm aware of  "no ripped denim" which can eased in on the weekends... but bugs yall. I'd kill myself running from bumble bees and wasps in high heels. 
4. THIS blog. I remember when I first started my fashion blog. I spent COUNTLESS hours thinking of the perfect background, font, where things were, the colors, whether or not I wanted a border. I mean, greatness. PURE greatness. I was thoroughly distracted and had a healthy hobby up until I had to actually go outside with my tripod and be on display for people walking by to just watch me running back and forth lol (yeah, there isn't a remote for my camera... super old model or something I guess).
5. Working out man. smh I lost so much weight at the beginning of 2014 and I've been looking high and low for it lol I decided in February that I would start consistently hitting the gym, but my friends were looking to lose weight and working out for me is basically weight training. Squats, lunges, healthy runs (why am I lying? WALKS lol) and showers 3x a week. I could do that and document my progress? OR I could do all of the above. Who says that my blog has to be ONE set thing? 

I think I've figured it out. Eureka! I'll do this blog, with EACH of these aspects in convenient little tabs at the top... I'll link my fashion blog for my fashion posts (if I know how to do that). And they'll all be small... This will be a perfect hobby for someone like me. Someone whose mind struggles to be fixated on one thing without becoming obsessive. I still don't want to take the GRE, please don't get it twisted; but I know I have to. The window for grad school this fall is closing as I type :(