Run to the SUN

"It goes while you're here, I wanna tell you sumn. It's that I love you girl. AND. And I wish we could run to the sun and never come back"


MAN! I cannot begin to tell you HOW MUCH I'm in need of an escape from reality. I just really am lol My transmission went out on my recently purchased used SUV and repairs are $800... I have no savings account basically and I make a monthly amount of $950 at my graduate assistantship... in HOW many languages can you say STRESSED?! I've found additional income in babysitting and recently I picked up a part time job, but I haven't started yet. I'm not gonna worry about it too much though. I mean, that's life. Things happen and struggles don't last always. That being said, here are my GOALS for this year...

1. Go to a Seattle Seahawks game in Dallas and or Nashville (AND most likely)
2. Visit Chicago for Memorial Day Weekend (and for the first time ever lol)
3. Visit Atlanta to hangout with my older cousins I recently reconnected with
4. Visit frikkn NEW ORLEANS for the first time EVER.
5. Visit the Mall of America for the first time as an adult.
6. Fall madly in love with life. Like ridiculously in love. Head over heels, Noah and Allie IN LOVE. I'm really hard on myself and I find myself being anxious and feeling depressed far too often. I love me, now I have to love myself even more to accept what comes with me being hard-headed or not listening/not following my gut lol
7. Go to 4 concerts... That's one a season. FOUR concerts in ONE year. It's realistic. I wish I could see the Internet, but they're sold out and I couldn't road trip anyway with my truck being in the shop for God knows how long lol BUT God will make a way! I'm claiming it.

So this a super late New Year post, but whatevs, it happens lol
I like to think these are all realistic goals too. They should keep me sane and entertained for the year. What are some things you guys are wanting to get into this year?

Where I wannnnnnnaaaa beeee

There's a place here in America, where dreams come true. Not Disneyland, Seattle, Washington.

My five year goal includes visiting and potentially moving here. 

Tell me it's real, this feeling that I feel..

Every time I wake up bothered, it's because I was wronged in some way in my dreams. 

This morning, I dreamt that I met Kam Chancellor and I also had the ability to introduce him to my mother. She was so excited about it. And later in that same dream the entire Seahawks franchise visited a school I was apparently a student at. Now, it seemed like a high school, but I'm clearly not high school aged. I was holding the door and there was a small child using a counter to click when each person entered the auditorium. I was assisting the child by simply saying hello to everyone who walked through the doors. The principal of the school, called me over and stated that I couldn't do that. I explained that it was truly nothing and she continued stating that I couldn't. So I asked what the problem was and she said something to the effect of that could be misconceived in some way. Now, I'm never scantily clad so of course I'm dressed appropriately. I'm just confused. So as I'm talking to her, these Caucasian girls maximize on the fact that there's no one greeting them and they do it. Do you think this principal pulled them over?! Not at all. 

I woke up so livid. I just wanted to say hello to the players, and potentially get a new job working with the franchise or get to know someone on a more personal level. And this racist twit yanked me away from it and lied like it was for my safety. I've been holding my own with the help

Of The Lord and this white she devil think I needed her assistance. 😑😑😑😑

My heart says no no.

This post is the only one I can say is definitely directed towards someone and I would really appreciate it if he stumbled upon it one day.  When he reads it, he'll know exactly who he is.

Firstly, I believe a thank you is in order. I want you to know that I appreciate you thinking about me and praying for me. I also want you to know that I do see you making noticeable changes from afar and I will continue to keep my distance because I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Per our last conversation, I let you know that I wouldn't serve as an issue to your current relationship and I allowed you to make the decision on whether you thought we were done being in love in order to parade around as if we are friends. Since I haven't heard from you at all, I'm assuming no. Lol granted during the super bowl we exchanged a grand total of 6 messages, I like to think it wasn't a problem. 

As for this small Valentine's Day gesture, yes I'm grateful. Yes it brought me joy. Yes I figured it was you before a series of subtweets revealed your identity. I loved the strawberries and felt the card was friendly. The issue is, as far as I'm concerned you're still in a relationship. That makes everything inappropriate. The subtweets, the gesture, ALL OF IT. 

I've told you, you've put me on both sides of this equation now. I think you should take time to strengthen your relationship with God and leave me alone. Also, stop dragging yourself through a relationship when you're clearly in love with someone else. I'm not saying leave me alone forever, but I need you to want a relationship with God more than anything else. And I feel like you need time alone to grow and develop yourself with his help. I'm likely to love you forever, that's just something I can't help. But I will not serve as a distraction from you finding your purpose in life. I'll continue to pray for you. 

I wait for the day a sweet gentle sway rocks your love right my way :)

You guys, I'm so excited for all the things the Lord has in store for me.

1. A new job
2. Acceptance into a graduate program
3. traveling grace and mercy 

IN THAT ORDER! I feel it. It's upon me. 

And of course, a man to seek his love alongside me. I'm so patient nowadays and I'm convincing myself to not be distracted by strangers sent by the devil to keep me from my destiny. 

I believe in miracles. I believe that love's a miracle and baby you're a dream come trueeeee.

BAHHHHHH HUMBUG!

DO you guys ever just get the feeling that what you want isn't what you need? I feel that way about people. Momo brought up a very interesting point last week as I was going through my daily spiel about how I feel like Kyrie and I were destined to be together... she shook up my ENTIRE world with one simple question: "But would you believe that God could have someone who will actually be a much better match for you than Kyrie?"

I must have thrown my phone across the room. I did NOT want to hear that. My fictional relationship in my head with Kyrie sustains me. I actually believe it was intended to become my coping skill or miracle or simply my eye opening "Come to Jesus" situation/moment. Because I'm WELL aware that there is NO easily foreseen reason that Kyrie and I would ever even cross paths, much less fall so deeply in love besides a miracle from the Lord. Our fictional relationship only strengthened my relationship with God. Why? Because I knew know the Lord wouldn't allow me to fall so deeply for a complete stranger without a plan for us. (And when I say deeply, I mean crazy deep. Like, I'll defend him in casual conversation. I'll bring him up whenever someone asks me if I'm in a relationship. It's borderline delusional.)

But the THING about it is, and not to literally compare anyone, but I'm unsure of Kyrie's relationship with the Lord. Russell Wilson lets it be known at EVERY chance that he KNOWS who died for him and is the reason he is blessed the way he is. I just don't see that happening with bae (Kyrie). Now, he could be more private with his relationship and that's not a problem I don't believe, but are we equally yoked and that blows my mind. Like, am I supposed to pray for him to realize he needs a relationship with God? Does he actually have one and just isn't public about it? Let us pray: Lord, I pray that my future husband is somewhere trying to become acceptable in thy sight and praying for our relationship to pleasing to you. Lord, I also pray that Kyrie Andrew, granted I'm expecting him to be my spouse however, if that isn't your will, I pray that he has a relationship with you or finds one soon. I pray that he recognizes you as his strength and his redeemer. I pray that he seeks you in everything he does. Now Lord, back to my future husband, may you open my eyes and heal my heart to see and accept him. As it stands today, you know I don't think I'm ready for any type of relationship, but Lord, I pray that you work on me. Guide me to where you want me to be. Hold my hand and take me to a new job this season. Lord I love you and wouldn't be able to get along without you. AMEN.

Dreams are Real. All you have to do is just believe ☺️

So by now it's no secret that my heart longs for Kyrie Andrew Irving. He's visited me in my dreams a time or two and for me, it only reaffirms the fact that we are destined to be together. 

Last night's dream: he injured his right knee and we basically hung out. I kept him company and was his assistant when it came to getting up and moving around. Helpful in his recovery. Prayerful through his journey. His sister was around and she enjoyed me being there. There was no skepticism or anything. It was like we'd known each forever and been the best of friends! Those are my goals. To be his best friend, his confidant, his partner in prayer and life 😍😍😍😍😍